I Don’t Know

Its the new year, a time to reflect. Its a symbolic time to let go of old baggage and start new.  The first 3 weeks of January is a especially thought-filled time for me. I remember the anniversary of both my parent’s deaths and I celebrate a birthday. These personal bookmarks of my life help me reflect on what is and isn’t in my life. The rest of the year is kind of simple, because I just walk the treadmill of life. In January, the bookmarks remind me to stop and think.

Also as I approach a milestone birthday, this year I am aware of what I don’t know. In your 20’s and 30’s, you think you know everything. I’m finding the older I get that is less true. I truly have more life experience, but the bigger picture is much less clear. I am often perplexed by the have and have nots. Why is is that some people have certain things and other’s do not? Wealth, talent, intellect, creativity, and health are few words that describe things that many of us either have or have not.  I realize its not always a black line between have and have not. You’re not just wealthy or poor, there’s room for grey in there. It just seems some people have “more” of some gifts then others.

I have been blessed with having artistic/creative abilities. I hear all the time “you’re so talented.” I like to hear that, it keeps me motivated. However, it also makes me wonder “why do I have this built-in ability and others don’t?” In the same thought process, I can think “why can’t I sing and others can?” I don’t even like to sing in the shower because I know I sound so bad.

Stopping and reflecting this time of year is my way of  processing it all. I reflect on what I have and don’t have. I stop and think why is this a good thing? I try to find ways to change what isn’t so good. I don’t know why I have all that I do or experienced all that I did, but I do know that it makes me, me. Someday I’ll have all the answers, for know I just don’t know and that’s OK.


Note about the image: “Metamorphosis” by Nanette S. Zeller, 14” x 11”.  Life is ever changing. Through each stage may you emerge more beautiful than from the last.



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