Author: Nanette Zeller

“What if I fail?
Oh but my darling what if you fly?”
~ Erin Hanson

Fear is a challenging emotion. Do you ever feel fear about a project you’re working on? Do you try to concur the emotion? Do you pull up your boots and keep walking through the fear? Or do you give up? And, what is it about having a fear of failing before we we even try?

I am guilty of having the fear of failure. In just about every project I do, I feel some level of anxiety about the outcome. There have been many times that I gave up. There probably have been even more times that I pulled up my boots and walked through the muck.

A lot of creative people carry this fear with them. I think the more experienced you are in facing this demon, the more confident you are in walking through the emotion. How do you get the experience? Like anything, you have to do the work.

This past month I had the opportunity to reflect on my creative journey through a social media challenge with my Instagram account. The prompts in this challenge had me reflecting on my journey. As I was searching through photographs of my earlier days of quilting, I remembered all those strong fear-filled feelings.

What I learned along the way, was to stay true to myself. Not everyone is going to like what I make. We all have our own personal aesthetics and this view is only relevant to the person who owns it. You like something or you don’t.  What I’ve also learned (although its not always easy to accept) is that if someone doesn’t like what I made, that doesn’t mean they are judging me. This feeling of personal rejection is were the fear is coming from. Just remember, they are expressing a subjective opinion. So when the fear sets in, just keep those boots on and keep walking (I mean working).

 

UFO is an Unfinished Object. Sometimes I start things, but after gathering all the supplies, I never work on them. Some, I got a little farther along and start working on, but then get distracted and abandoned them. Most of the time I want to get back and finish them, but don’t. What do you do with them? Its an interesting dilemma.

Sometimes things have to sit and wait for their time. Other times, they just never receive the priority that they deserve. When do you let them go? Can you let them go?

For me, I have a mixed bag of things waiting in cue. Sometimes, I get into one of my moods and start making radical decisions about the future of these orphaned projects. They just have to go… and like Lewis Carroll’s Queen of Hearts, I proclaim “Off with their heads!” Then, proceed to cut them up, or less radically, I’ll just separate the collection and redistribute the supplies into my stash. Some supplies that I’m really over with, get sent away as charity donations (e.g., charitable resale shops).

My cut-up quilted bits get reassembled into patch work blocks (pictured) and repurposed into fabric postcards or other fun things (so many ideas waiting for me to try). And, yes…there they sit, too, as another orphaned project…waiting for it’s time for my attention.

I wonder about this…how many things do I hold onto because I think they’re too precious? I have projects where I was experimenting or trying a new skill. Why keep them? There are things that probably should be labeled as failures, then released from my capture and placed into the trash bin. Why do I I view them as too precious when they really aren’t meant to be be. Maybe I should just let them go?

 

The last couple weeks, I’ve been following a “feed” on the socials. There was a call for entry for an upcoming exhibit; 400 art quilters submitted their work and due to space limitations, only 40 were selected for the exhibit. In this group discussion, people who submitted work shared photos of their submissions and noted whether it was “accepted” or “rejected” into the exhibit.

Entering a call for entry is not really like playing the lottery. In a lottery, your number is selected based on statistical chance. In a call for entry, some person(s) is/are saying “I think this one fits the exhibit better than this one.” So realistically, there is a level of rejection in the selection process versus what happens in a lottery. It is reasonable to have a bit of emotional sting when you’re told “we decided not to choose you (your art).”

On the other hand, they are kind of the same. With either option, you’re taking a chance to get something. Applying for a job is a similar chance opportunity. I would bet that most people, at some point in their life, have applied for a job. Maybe you got the job, or maybe you didn’t. I wonder though, if you didn’t get the job would you say you were rejected? It may feel like a rejection, because obviously there was something about your application that ranked you not as qualified as the person who did receive it. Its all a lottery and you are playing the game because you hope you’ll win. Yet, not everyone will.

This conversation struck me, because this week I received one of those “we didn’t pick you” notices. I applied for something a few months ago and reading the email stung. All that time I spent putting the packet together, wasted. Or was it? I had to stop and evaluate what I was feeling. Did I really think I was the best? No, because I didn’t know who I was competing against.

After a few days contemplating, I’ve come to realize that all of life is a chance. We receive opportunities along the journey. Sometimes we grab the brass ring and sometimes we don’t. Just because one opportunity didn’t work, doesn’t mean it will always turn out the same. Lesson learned is don’t ever believe it is a rejection of you and don’t ever give up.

This past weekend I needed background fabric for a project I am working on. I had a yard of muslin that I previously dyed with mottled pinks, purples and greens. It was a bit too pastel and muted for what I wanted, but I realized I had a bottle of orange RIT dye (available in grocery stores). So, I decided to dye the fabric.

I needed 1.5 gallons of water for the vat, which is more than I needed for the yardage. I decided instead of wasting the dye, I would add some vintage lace and trims to the vat. I know that some may consider it sacrilegious to alter vintage fabrics. I pondered it for awhile and decided that it would be OK. I know I would never do anything with the off-white lace and trim. However, if it was something colorful I would find some way to use it.

The photo illustrates the before and after results. I was most excited about the trim with the little flowers. I didn’t know what fibers this was made with. The flowers are individually stitched to tulle and tulle is usually synthetic. And, synthetics don’t usually hold dyes very well. I was taking a gamble and was surprised to find the tulle and flowers held the dye. This experiment worked positively. I’m now confident to do more with this material, because I know it will hold color. Also, the little flowers remind me of pansies or dogwood flowers (which, in my area of the work, are about to burst into spring).

This was fun. Do you take time for creative play time and experimentation? Creative play often involves doing something that you’re not 100% sure what is going to happen. This could have been a big flop of an idea, but it turned into an inspiration.

 

I’m a collector of things. Some of my collectables are colorful and pretty. Other’s are dirty and rusty. I can’t really explain it, if I’m drawn to something, it usually has to come home with me. Some things have a special memory and I just can’t throw them away. Sometimes they are just too pretty to part with. And, other times I’m certain I could use the item in another project. I guess I have a fear that in the future I might miss that “thing” I threw out. Oh, believe me, I’ve thrown out (or donated) things that I wished I had kept.

I frequently try to use up stuff like leftover fabrics, threads, and yarn. But I’m slow. It takes me years to knit a sweater. I’ve also held on to fabrics for a long time thinking…someday I’ll use it. Some of the fabric I own once belonged to my mother and even my grandmothers. I don’t think I’m a hoarder; my house isn’t busting at the seams. So I think I have a healthy collecting habit, but what do I do with all of it?

One thing I like doing is using my precious scraps in slow stitch projects. Pictured is one of my favorites. I used embroidery thread and random stitch patterns to attach little scraps of fabrics to denim. When it was finished I inserted a scrap of dyed wool, stitched it together and now it is a handy little needle keeper. I love the colors. It is a treat to look at the fabrics and remember where they came from.

Although I “try” to be in the moment when I place the scraps, I’ve noticed how difficult this is. Notice there is a lot of symmetry happening in this pin keeper; squares and repeating placement of shapes. Nothing wrong about that, just interesting to notice. I like this piece a lot and that probably says something about how I seek balance. Do you collect? Do you have creative ways you use your collected treasures?

The last few weeks I’ve been juggling a lot of different tasks. Some of it I call the “first of the year” tasks, like annual doctors appointments, home maintenance contractors, and the beloved tax preparation. I’ve also been teaching some “live” programs and rooting around some of my stash preparing for upcoming art exhibits this year. During all of this I stumbled across several pieces of art that I made years ago. Some of these pieces I was happy to see again. Some I was surprised I had a different attitude about them.

It is interesting to find these treasures. There were several which, at the time of their creation, I was not very pleased with. For example this tree (pictured). I remember making it for a group challenge/art swap. When I created it, I returned to some of my old paint and textile collage techniques. There is a lot of different fibers layered there (note: click on the image to see a larger view). After the collage work, I thread painted the tree.

I look at it now through different eyes. My mindset isn’t cluttered with the deadlines in which I created it. I see things that I could probably address differently, but nothing in this piece screams “don’t show it to anyone.” Yet, that was my mindset at the time I created it. So what’s different, today? The piece didn’t change. Was it me that changed? I doubt that I changed “that” much.

I’ve decided what’s different, is time…

When we make art we are usually very close to it, physically. We see the micro details that most other people would never see. We’re close to it on an emotional level too. There are reasons we make something when we do. Maybe we’re making it for a class, a gift, an experiment, or even an exhibit. These events add pressure to what we’re doing.

Other times their are no reasons why we’re making, we’re just do it because we want to. During these play-filled times, there may be things going on in our personal lives that may be carrying energy to our work. Maybe you’ve just moved into a new house, looking forward to a vacation, or concerned about the health of a loved one. All these events can alter our mindset (for good or bad) and affect our thoughts on what we’re creating. I can see this clearly in the tree. I’m in a different place. I’m no longer concerned at what other people might think about it. I see it for what it is with a less judgmental eye.

My takeaway message is when we’re working on something and it just isn’t becoming what we expect … walk away from it! Give it time! Better yet, give yourself time! Maybe we need a few hours, a few weeks, or even a few years. Our mind just needs a reset, so we can look at it again with a fresh vision. If your attitude doesn’t change about the piece, it is OK to work on it some more, or maybe start over from scratch, or sometimes its best to destroy it so you can move on to something new.

 

Ah spring, the time of year when you can swing through all 4 seasons in seven days. Time is flying by. Before we know it, we’ll be in the heat of the summer. I’m not looking forward to that. The in-between seasons are my favorite. Not too cold and not too warm; just like Goldilocks likes her porridge.

I’m ready for the increased sunlight, but not looking forward to the heat of summer. So I’m trying to stay in the moment and enjoy the current season. I started working on a new project that uses the scraps of fusible fabrics I’ve been saving.  If you’ve ever worked with fabric scraps, you know the mess it makes. To keep grounded, I’m going to try to focus on one moment at a time. That’s all we can ever really hope for isn’t it? . . Staying grounded.

As I get ready to switch gears to my next task at hand today, I leave you with this quote from Marc Chagall
“If I create from the heart, nearly everything works;
if from the head, almost nothing.”

I have a number of lectures coming up in the next several weeks (Learn more about my lectures & workshops) . So, this week I’m editing the PowerPoint slide shows which I use for lectures. I always like to review them and update the content and include some of my current works. I find it creative work, but there is a lot of screen time.

When I’m doing a lot of computer work or taking road trips, I like to have handwork projects to work on. These stitchings are often referred to as “slow” or “mindful” stitching. I like the random nature of my process with these projects.

I’ve decided the pictured example is complete. When I started it a couple years ago, it was a kit with some matching hand-dyed threads, ribbons, buttons and fabric called “Painters Threads” by House of Textile Arts (formerly Tentakulum). I started with a background piece of matching hand-dyed Cherrywood fabrics and, as I had time, I randomly laid out the fabric patches and added stitched patterns.

Next step is to make something with it. Right? If I fold it in half horizontally and add a zipper, I could make it into a small zippered pouch. I’m tempted to do that, but I really love looking at it. The colors make me happy. The texture of the stitches and materials are interesting to look at.

It is just an experiment or you could even call it play; something I can do when I don’t really want to think about what I’m doing. But, an issue I have with creating like this is I want to make something out of the completed design. I think there’s a mindset engraved in my brain that everything created must be for a reason. I recall moments in my life where I showed off something like this that I made. Something I was proud of, but really didn’t have a purpose. I can recall people asking, “What are you going to do with it?” Uh?… I don’t know.

I’m having an inner dialog, call it an argument, that this piece must have function. But I counter myself with the question, “Must I do anything with it? Can’t it just be.” The verdict is still out …

 

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Today I am admitting that I’ve been in a creative slump. This past month I’ve been trying to process what’s going on. I’ve always loved creating, but I’ve been struggling.

Why? Where did my energy go? Where is time going?

I’ve been contemplating: “Have I lost my mojo?” What I’ve realized is that there has been been A LOT going on! Reflecting on the year, I’ve had some wonderful times and some times that set me back.

What I’ve realized is we have to focus on what’s in front of us. Sometimes we use our creativity to heal. And, other times we need to heal before we can focus on our creativity.

What I’ve realized is I’m evolving. I have ideas in my head that are peculating. I’ve been avoiding … yes, call it what it is: “procrastinating.” I’ve felt guilty, but I also had to attend to what is in front of me. Priorities. Promises. Life circumstances. Things both in and out of my control.

I’ve been contemplating and listening to podcasts like “Creative Peptalk” and “Art Juice.” They helped me realize I’m not alone. We all go through it. In one of these podcasts the question came up: “what do you do when your procrastinate?” Is this somewhere you want to be? Is it somewhere you should be? Is it somewhere you should put more focus?

It is good to reflect and process our thoughts and feelings. Some of us just need more time with it than others. If you ever feel this way, I want to encourage you to let all the guilt go.
Wherever you are … hold space.
Wherever you are … You are enough!

My birthday is so close to the new year that and recently I realized I don’t mentally start the new year until it has passed. Another completed rotation around the sun. I wasn’t ready to accept this year’s number. Its getting higher than I ever thought. But, I decided that I agreed with the old saying, “you’re only as old as you feel.” The number may want to taunt my brain…but my body says “you go girl!”

We can become our own worst enemies when it comes to thinking about our aging. We could limit our potential because we think that’s what we’re suppose to do; we’re suppose to slow down. But, why not accept new challenges? Why not learn new things? Are we ever too old to start something new?

Last year I wanted to learn something new and decided not too because it would take too long. A year later, I’m thinking if I had started it last year, I would be done now. How many years have to pass before we say… Now is the time!

I believe there’s always room to start new things. We just need to make space and time for them. We’re not born with an expiration date stamped on our back, so we have to proceed as if there will be a tomorrow (better yet… that there will be many tomorrows). So dream a little…what do you want to do? What would you like to create? How do we want to live. Don’t let your age get in the way. Make a plan and get started. Its never too late.